Towards democracy

512 Towards Democracy

Years followed, more or less eventful, with flight from —

Cambridge, and university lectures carried on in the Provincial Towns, and so forth; but of much dumbness as regards writing ; and inwardly full of tension, and suffering.

At last early in 1881, no doubt as the culmination and result of struggles and experiences that had been going on, I became

conscious that a mass of material was forming within me, imperatively demanding expression—though what exactly its expression would be I could not then have told. I became for the time overwhelmingly conscious of the disclosure within

of a region transcending in some sense the ordinary bounds of ~

personality, in the light of which region my own idiosyncrasies of character—defects, accomplishments, limitations, or what

not—appeared of no importance whatever—an absolute Free- -

dom from mortality, accompanied by an indescribable calm and joy.

I also immediately saw, or rather /é/f, that this region of Self existing in me existed equally (though not always equally

consciously) in others. In regard to it the mere diversities of ©

temperament which ordinarily distinguish and divide people dropped away and became indifferent, and a field was opened in which all might meet, in which all were truiy Equal. Thus I found the common ground which I wanted; and the two words, Freedom and Equality came for the time being to control all my thought and expression.

The necessity for space and time to work this out grew so strong that in April of that year I threw up my lecturing employment. Moreover another necessity had come upon me which demanded the latter step—the necessity namely for an open air life and manual work. I could not finally argue with this any more than with the other, I had to give in and obey. As it happened at the time I mention I was already living in