Bitef

Theatre as a Ritual of Remembrance For Maja, Sanja, Beba, Jugoslav and Jadranka In June this year it was fifteen years of thè work of DAH Teatar. Io live theatre, in a specific theatre iaboratory, for thè last fifteen years was a challenge and privilege. Our theatre developed and grew through thè years of thè tearing apart of our country, through thè years that were full of harsh histórica! and politicai events, that left deep scars.The world also kept changing, and parallel with thè miraculous discoveries in thè realm of Science and technology, great Works of art and events, wars were happening, genodde, migrations of entire nations and destruction that started to bave a global scale. What can a small theatre group do in relation to these gigantic events? Could these years of my life that were totaly dedicated to my theatre be spent in a different way? Could I be in another country, doing something similar in some better, and easier conditions? During these years, could I have lived some other life, could I have founded my own family, created for myself a more secure existance, directed in big theatres were I would be a director and not a manager, secretary and so many other things that thè work in my theatre demands? Could I have done something else and be someone else? Like in Karin Bliksen's story where thè main character every few years changes her identity and her way of life and so in her life she lives dozens of other lives. Or lìke thè text that Gavrilo Princìp wrote on thè wall of his celi, thè textthat we used later in one ofthe performances of DAH Teatar:"! wish I have lived some other lives. I wish I was a sailor on a small boat heading to Brazilìa. A wise man in thè Hìmalayan mountains, a bar-tender in a port where ships'sirens and thè sun above thè water would wake me up every morning.J wish my child was being born n0w..." These questions spring up on purpose and catch me in moments of difficulty when there seems to be no solution to a current problem, when I doubt all around me, but most of all when I doubt myself. And possibly thè answers to all these questions could be affirmative. And probably all these different existences could be positive. From this abudance of possibilities I chose this one only, so it is thè question of cholee. How to live this moment that we cali life, thè moment between an Inhalation and exhalation? Or like in thè Zen story, thè moment between going to get water on request ofthe teacher and getting that water, thè moment in which thè whole life could be lived in. The work, or life in DAH Theatre, I experience like a Constant polishing of myself personally, and then of my colleagues, It is a hard and painful job that is required by thè role ofthe director, It pays its price by thè Constant Irritation of my colleagues, by periods of tensión and disharmony, against which my whole being revolts. Prlvately, like most people I want to be loved, to be liked, not to be in conflict. Butto be able, during this long and complex process, that results in a performance, to see thè shine ofthe polished stone orlaste thè "wine" that has fermented so long, I consciously take on thè role ofthe director that demands, does not accept easy Solutions, irritates, orders, goes against communal habits, inertness, short-cuts, so that in one moment all could be rewarded. Is that reward thè performance? Or is that reward thè possibility to live in thè moment bere and now, without residue. The moment that can conquer all hard moments inside our little community or outer circumstances, that were in our case thè moments ofthe life in a country that passes through different circumstances of war and destruction. Or is this thè moment of creatlng a parallel reality, a space that allows thè memory to live in its full dignity? Memory that gives thè possibility for thè thruth to be heard again, to gìve voice to thè ones that cannot be otherwise heard, either because they are not amongst us anymore or because theirvoices were hushed because of different reasons. And to be able, in that way, to create"levelling" as thè famous physiotherapist Bert Helinger would say, so that thè disturbad balance could be created again. The space that we create through our work is at thè same time an extremely concrete, physical space and a virtual space that reaches over thè physical existance. That makes me live that moment, when everything stops, like in Checkov's dramas, thè moment in which "angels pass", and that is called my life, with full consciousness and dignity.

Dijana Milosevic